a brighter discontent

Don't go to walmart at 1 AM to buy pregnancy tests.

Oh my. God. Whatever you do, don't go to walmart at 1am to buy pregnancy tests. Just.....don't do it. Promise me you'll never do it, okay?!? My husband and I went to the later showing of Harry Potter tonight. And I had wanted to go to walmart for the hpts BEFORE the movie. But no! My husband wanted to go after. Even though he knew it would be 1 o'clock in the morning. So. I blame him. Heh. I don't even.....know what else to....say right now. But....wow...stuff I wish I could un-see and un-hear.... There...just are no words. Btw, my breasts are now itching the hell out of me. :/

Ugh.

Ugh! My breasts are absolutely killing me! Honestly, I've never had this much pain from cycling, ever! I've actually had to sleep in a cotton bra the last two nights. It's just brutal. I keep losing track of where I am in this cycle. How many days past transfer? Don't know...I'd have to count!! Did you know this is the very first time I've ever done a cycle with NO pee sticks in the house?!? I know, it's hard to believe, isn't it. I suppose I should pick some up at some point, just to be sure. The one really weird thing about local clinic is that they don't do betas. At the day of transfer, they gave me a LAB REQ for a urine pg test!! LOL I didn't say anything, but really, why the fuck would I drive all the way to a lab when I can just pee on a stick at home?!? Seriously, WTF?!?!? The clinic's directions are to "save" your FMU. It didn't say this, but I wondered if they mean for you to drive your pee to the lab! Fuck, that would be hilarious! Yeah. I think I'll just POAS at home, thanks. If it's positive, I can get a beta test req anytime I want from my GP or my OB/Gyn. Hell, I probably still have beta test reqs kicking around my house! Oh, and the best part?!? You'll never believe this: my pee stick lab req is scheduled for JULY 24TH. That is 16dp5dt!! SIXTEEN DAYS PAST A FIVE DAY TRANSFER. My last beta for last cycle was 10dp5dt. I don't know when I'll POAS this cycle, but I'm sure I won't wait until 16dp5dt!!

Oh, blastcysts...

The blastocysts did not enjoy their thaw. Siiiiigh. The 6 days that were the poorer quality crashed and burned, no surprise there. But the 5 day blasts we had more hope for, did not come through the thaw very well. Sighhhhhh. I can't recall much of what the embryologist said, but they both lost some cells in the thaw, he may have said about 25% loss of cells? One looked like it had sort of collapsed down on itself. So, our chances look not that promising, sadly. I hate to think that's how this whole batch of embryos will end up. Except for the two embyos floating in my uterus now, that's it. No more embryos left. I had really hoped this batch of embryos could have ended on a better note. Now I feel like I don't even have a fair shot at the 2ww. I don't know what else to say at this point. Calm disappointment. I dread the process of starting all over again from scratch. Which clinic should we go to next time? In Canada or the US? How much is this going to cost us this time?

Transferring in 3, 2, 1.....

Arriving at clinic now. Will find out about embryos shortly. Will post before transfer.

That's a first

Lining was proclaimed that "it looks great" by doctor doing scan. Lining was already at 9mm. This marks the first time EVER that I wasn't hassled about my lining. Still sort of in shock about that. Clinic just called with our appt time for transfer on Wednesday: 11:00 am, mountain time. Please send any and all good thoughts for our blastocysts. God knows we are really going to need it. I need a drink, maybe.

You'd think I'd have more to say...

You'd think I'd have more to say, wouldn't you? Considering I stopped my old blog in December 2007. But here I am, likely days away from transfer with very little to say. I'm actually sitting in the clinic right now, waiting for my ultrasound to check the lining. This is actually my first and last ultrasound before transfer. I've been thinking this whole cycle has been insanely easy and laid back. I happened to stumble across my old FET schedule from the last clinic in 2007, and by this time in the cycle i'd had two rounds of bloodwork, and three rounds of ultrasounds! WTH? I always thought that clinic's way of doing FET's was excessive, now I know why. This has been a strange cycle for me. Most of the time I even forget we're doing a cycle. This whole "local" aspect makes things incredibly easy. I don't have to miss work, travel, barely even think about anything. How I really envy everyone out there who gets to do local cycles all the time!! I also went to Las Vegas last week -- that would be the first time I ever travelled for fun in the middle of a cycle! I've also been sick twice in June, which is extremely annoying. Luckily not while in Vegas. But the day after we got back I came down with a horrendous cough/flu thing. I never get coughs! Very annoying. I'm only barely recovered now, still have lingering cough though. Sigh. There are five billion people in the clinic this morning, which irritates me. My appt was supposed to be 20 minutes ago... This is ridiculous, but I really have nothing else to say about this cycle. I mean, hopefully the lining looks good today, and then we can go ahead with the transfer on Tuesday or so. We'll probably have to thaw all four blastocysts to get one good embryo, I'd imagine. But at this point we're planning on transferring one, maybe two depending on what happens with the thaw, and overall quality. The only thing that scares me more than not getting pregnant this cycle is a multiple pg. Really would like to avoid that again. Anyway, I'm going to hit post on this thing, and I'll update after my ultrasound.....