a brighter discontent

out of the loop...

So, I guess I must have missed something big in the blogosphere last week, hmm? (Anyone care to fill me in on what happened?)

I really am more out of the loop than I thought. I have been following a handful of blogs, but mainly only the ones from the people who are also added on my Facebook...

One thing I should add is, although I've been reading, I haven't been commenting that much. I know, bad me.

I don't think my blogging hiatus has helped with my ability to comment on pg or post-IF/baby blogs though, unfortunately.

It isn't because I don't want to comment on your blog if you are pg or post-IF/baby....I just really don't have anything to say. I can't comment about c-section vs. vaginal delivery, because none of my pregnancies have made it that far, and I can't comment on breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, or sleep issues, or whatever, because obviously, I don't have any living kids. So, it's just been so much easier to  keep quiet.

We should come up with some kind of secret code for "hey, I'm reading, and I support you! But I don't have anything of value to contribute to this topic!" LOL

I can see that it will probably take me a while to find my place again in the blogosphere...I'm not sure where I'll end up fitting in. Out of my ENTIRE blog list from my original blog, every single person either is pg, has one, two, or three kids now, or is about to adopt, except for ONE person. Soooo....yeah. I think I'm a rarity these days!

It will take me a while to get back into the swing of things, but I already have several things I should have blogged about. One is another annoying family drama thing....my relatives are insanely annoying and the source of so much of my discontent during my long journey through all of this. This time, it is yet ANOTHER cousin...I'll explain the whole thing in a blog post soon.

We'll be starting the FET cycle on day 1 of my next cycle....which should be in a few days, so I'll definitely be around more as this whole cycle gets underway.

Our RE is emphatic about doing a "trial transfer" on me before the actual transfer. It goes without saying that I am less than thrilled with this prospect. Dreading it, would be a more fitting description.

Does anyone else think it seems a bit......superfluous, to perform a "trial transfer" on someone who has already been through FOUR EMBRYO TRANSFERS?  Granted, I'm not the star patient with those embryo transfers = live babies. But, I pretty much always get pregnant, to some degree at least, so am I really that bad of a transfer candidate as to warrent a trial transfer?

I can't quite tell if her reasoning is that this is the first time I'm having an embryo transfer at THIS particular clinic, or if she is really that concerned with the cervix/previous history with the other transfers that she feels a trial transfer is really this warrented....Hmmm.

In any case, that's all I have to say on this subject for now, I'm off to cook something for supper and watch the PVR recording of the season finale of Grey's!

a brighter discontent...

This has been a long time coming, but I'm brushing off the rust, and getting back into this whole blogging thing.

I'd like to say this blog finds me in a much better place in my life. I'd like to say this blog finds me with the success we've been seeking for so many years. But I think that's where the title of this blog comes from: a brighter discontent.

Am I in a better place now than I was one year ago? Two years ago? Three years ago? In some ways, yes. In other ways, no. In many ways, I don't think anything has changed, except for my perspective, slightly.

Has the pain of three miscarriages eased slightly? Has the loss of our twins decreased in the past three years? Perhaps. A little.

Do I still fight the urge to slap every pregnant bitch I see on the street? Hell, yes.

See? I guess some things really never change.

Despite my conspicuously long absence, I have missed it. And it's not as if there haven't been plenty of things blog-worthy that have happened over the past year and a half, but I just couldn't seem to get back to blogging any sooner.

I don't plan to go back in time and blog about everything that's happened (and more importantly, didn't happen) since I left off from my old blog. But I'm sure I'll manage to fill in some of the time line gaps somehow.

So, for those of you I haven't kept in contact with on Facebook or email, I hope to hear from you again as I get back into blogging regularly.

And for those that I have kept in contact with, I'm back for real this time!

Anyway, for a very brief update on what's upcoming: we are planning on doing an embryo transfer with what's left of our poor little blastocysts this spring. I don't have any official dates yet, but it's looking like it will be near the end of June, or possibly the beginning of July.  We had our remaining four blastocysts transported from Seattle to Calgary last year, after a long and arduous process, and ever since they've arrived in Calgary, our RE has been pushing us like crazy to do a FET. God knows why. Either she just wants to be rid of us, or she thinks that it has some chance in hell of working? Who knows. I've been brushing off her attempts to get us to transfer for about one year now, and I don't know what my reasoning behind that has been, exactly. But I just really didn't want to do it. So, I didn't. Until now. My husband and I have agreed to cycle on the next cycle, and I just couldn't imagine doing an actual cycle without a blog. For some reason, IVF/FET + blogging goes hand in hand?  Anyway, the cycle is sure to go down in massive flames, so be sure to come back for that drama!

I hope you guys will stop by and say hello sometime....for what's it's worth, I have missed this, and all of you...